{"id":4529,"date":"2020-01-10T16:55:40","date_gmt":"2020-01-10T16:55:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodvale.com\/?p=4529"},"modified":"2020-01-10T16:55:40","modified_gmt":"2020-01-10T16:55:40","slug":"mapperton-moments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/mapperton-moments\/","title":{"rendered":"Mapperton Moments – John Montagu"},"content":{"rendered":"

John Montagu<\/strong> kept a diary when he first realised his father was affected by Dementia. Now, more than 30 years later he has published his observations of the challenges faced trying to secure the future of Mapperton against a backdrop of difficult times. He talked to Fergus Byrne<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

John Montagu is distracted by kittens. When I arrive to talk with him about his new book, Mapperton Moments<\/em>, the 11th<\/sup> Earl of Sandwich pops his head out of the window to warn me to be careful coming in the door in case some new arrivals make a break for the dangerous outdoors. We do the \u2018shut the door quickly before the kittens get out\u2019 dance as two adorable furry balls of energy tumble over each other trying to climb up his dangling scarf.<\/p>\n

As an introduction, it\u2019s a pleasant distraction from the subject of the book I\u2019ve come to talk about. It is a diary covering the last eight and a half years of the life of his father Victor Montagu, Viscount Hinchingbrooke, the 10th<\/sup> Earl of Sandwich. The book covers the years during which the former MP was slowly gripped by Alzheimer\u2019s disease.<\/p>\n

Mapperton Moments<\/em> is a touching and funny\u2014though at times painful\u2014memoir. It not only gives a fascinating insight into the realities of the day-to-day running of a crumbling country manor, but it is also a keen observation of the challenges that accompany the slow decline of a powerful presence. John\u2019s father \u2018Hinch\u2019 was a long-standing MP for South Dorset, elected in no less than five general elections. President of the Anti-Common Market League from 1962 to 1984, he was also a member of the Conservative Monday Club which was initially founded to correct a perceived Tory swing toward liberalism. A powerful presence in political life, Victor Montagu also wielded his influence at home, sometimes with devastating consequences. It is the last years and the impact on those closest to him during this time that is laid bare on the pages of his eldest son John\u2019s memoir.<\/p>\n

For John, the writing was a therapy that he described in the book as \u2018the therapy of the computer\u2019\u2014although the process had begun in longhand and moved through a range of technologies before finally being edited on a computer in recent years. He also described\u00a0 it as a \u2018fairly accurate thermometer\u2019 of how whatever genuine affection he had for his father in the past had been eroded by the time spent dealing with the disease. There were times in the process where he found himself talking to the page. \u2018I could only deal with it by writing\u2019 he said. \u2018That was a way out of it. It was so exasperating. I thought\u00a0 I must tell somebody.\u2019<\/p>\n

One of the many difficulties included the feeling of alienation. When you live with someone you see changes every day, whereas those that make occasional visits are often blissfully unaware of the frustration and loneliness of dealing with such painful and slow transformation. John explains: \u2018There were four or five years where he was ostensibly an ordinary person living an ordinary life. For everybody else, they only had to say one thing like \u201cHello Hinch\u201d, or whatever, and it would keep him on his traditional route.\u2019<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a recurring theme. \u2018How little even close friends and family seem to understand\u2019 John writes after complaints that he took his father home too early from a drinks party when it had been at his father\u2019s insistence. Talking about it later his frustration is still raw. \u2018That\u2019s the other fascinating thing about looking after the elderly\u2019 he says. \u2018It\u2019s the perceptions of being in the home and the perceptions of being outside. You stare at people as if you can\u2019t believe they haven\u2019t realised what\u2019s going on and they\u2019re encouraging you and helping you\u2014they\u2019re the enemy in a sense.\u2019<\/p>\n

Day-to-day life at Mapperton was the constant struggle to keep ahead of the elements and included a perpetual redoubling of efforts to find ever more creative ways to fund the maintenance of the estate. However, the other battle was the need to monitor his father\u2019s activities. John recalls Hinch\u2019s insistence on near-daily visits to the bank in Beaminster, on one occasion proffering a \u00a310 note to the cashier and asking her to give him \u00a330. These moments were at times amusing but also endlessly frustrating and painful. They were a long step beyond just forgetting close family names.<\/p>\n

Whilst winter frosts meant constant visits from local plumbing company Tolmans, Hinch also developed a habit of pushing down the needle on his gramophone to try to increase the volume requiring repeated visits by an electrician to fix it at a cost of \u00a310 for each call out\u2014a not insubstantial sum in 1987. John remembers wavering between wanting to keep his father fully informed about activities in the family and on the estate and the worry about the \u2018ghastly sequences and often irrational thought processes\u2019 that would inevitably follow. Hinch developed a habit of raiding the garden\u2019s honesty box and eventual concern for the welfare of others resulted in him being deprived of his car. Occasional falls and an insistence that he hadn\u2019t been to places for 30 years\u2014although he may have been there a week previously\u2014left giant holes in conversations that once might have been enlightening and pleasant. Such conversations became \u2018not occasional but continuous\u2019 writes John.<\/p>\n

As decline became less gradual there were moments where hiding behind doors rather than engaging with his father became the easier choice. Hinch took to drinking vodka in the morning, going to bed after lunch and then waking at dinner time and demanding breakfast. \u2018He was rather one to glare at you when you went into the room\u2019 recalls John, although he remembers that\u00a0 the sweetest smile sometimes replaced the glare. \u2018They would sometimes cross over and you would get both of them in the same day\u2014fretting over the marmalade or something. There were times when we couldn\u2019t bear to sit in the dining room. Then you\u2019d start hiding. That is the reality. I was never frightened or anything like that, but I certainly would avoid a lot. I wouldn\u2019t want the confrontation. That\u2019s where Caroline comes in because she was able to stop him.\u2019<\/p>\n

The daily grind of trying to get him back to bed after he had risen at 4 or 5 in the morning and then not getting back to sleep was endlessly wearing . In time John confides desperate descriptions to his diary with the\u00a0observation that they may be a little over the top \u2018but you sometimes have to look over the top to see things in perspective.\u2019<\/p>\n

Rest eventually came with the first visit to a care home in the New Forest. John writes about how the journey included mile after mile of making up answers to the \u201cwhere are we going\u201d question, \u2018like the witches in fairy tales, coaxing the children deeper into the wilderness.\u2019 Once there Hinch packed his suitcase daily explaining to staff that he had enjoyed a lovely holiday but was ready to go home now.<\/p>\n

Anyone who has experienced the mental agony of dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer\u2019s will recognise the conflicting emotions that come with the experience. Residual guilt at the resentment of the person one loved is sometimes overcome by the conviction that the one suffering from the\u00a0disease is not the person they once knew.<\/p>\n

John Montagu\u2019s reflections show the deep warmth and compassion of the writer and at times affection for the man that played such a significant role in his life. He tells me about skiing holidays as a young boy and exciting trips such as visiting East Germany with his father and the MP Richard Crossman. \u2018We visited the parliament and they all clapped the English MPs coming for the first time\u2019 he recalls and mentions the thrill of passing through the infamous \u2018Checkpoint Charlie\u2019. These are memories that were perhaps suppressed by the years that followed\u2014the politics that John rarely agreed with and the slow descent into Alzheimer\u2019s. He describes the discipline of recording those final years as a valuable exercise that created a time when he could quietly remember his father.<\/p>\n

Mapperton Moments<\/em> records defining years in a relationship, but as John explains in the introduction, the writing process was also a means of working out what inheritance means \u2018and the frustration it can involve.\u2019 The book offers an insight into that quandary on many levels. The exasperation of dealing with the outside perception of chattels or political legacy, versus the reality that the day-to-day difficulties that life throws at everyone are painful and frustrating no matter where you are in society. To say that Mapperton Moments<\/em> is a touching memoir may be doing it a disservice. It is so much more than that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Mapperton Moments is available from bookshops or\u00a0 from the Estate Office, Mapperton, Beaminster DT8 3NR, price \u00a310 plus \u00a32 p and p,\u00a0 tel. 01308 862645.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

John Montagu kept a diary when he first realised his father was affected by Dementia. Now, more than 30 years later he has published his observations of the challenges faced trying to secure the future of Mapperton against a backdrop of difficult times. He talked to Fergus Byrne.   John Montagu is distracted by kittens. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4533,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[13],"class_list":["post-4529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-features","tag-fergus-byrne"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4529","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4529"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4529\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4533"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4529"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4529"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}