OK, so this article\u2019s mostly about World Cup football. I freely admit I\u2019m a fan but (even if you\u2019re not a fan) be brave and read on because this page contains useful information for everyone. It\u2019s also free of overly jingoistic phraseology and English national paranoia since we\u2019ve had quite enough of that during last month\u2019s European election coverage. You can also go online and look it up. Googling the word \u2018RIO\u2019 can produce an odd selection of possible links:<\/p>\n
\u2026 and it\u2019s only on the second page that I find any mention of \u2018Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, World Cup Football 2014\u2019. Phew, that\u2019s a relief\u2014I was beginning to think I got the year wrong.<\/p>\n
Compared to previous hype profile Footie years when you couldn\u2019t fill up at the garage without being submerged by inflatable life size World Cup mascots or blinded by screaming headlines sacking the poor England manager before the first ball was kicked, 2014 World Cup national propaganda appears relatively modest. This is because (for the first time in my long footballing memory) nobody reckons on England achieving any success at all. In fact the odds are considerably better on Nigel Farage becoming our next King (in place of Prince Charles) rather than England getting to the last 16. This is great news as we now stand a chance of doing quite well because the pressure\u2019s off. Our boys in Brazil can therefore spend time doing the odd night time samba and getting a cool suntan on Copacabana beach before turning up bronzed and entirely relaxed 10 minutes before kick off and then beating Brazil in the final. Oh I wish\u2026 I wish\u2026<\/p>\n
Incidentally (and I\u2019m not sure if anyone else has worked this out yet?), I have great news for those who remain wary of the dreaded World Cup nemesis between England and Germany when we always seem to lose on penalties or are robbed of a genuine goal (as in Frank Lampard\u2019s \u201creal goal\u201d against them in South Africa 2010). Guess what\u2014this time it can\u2019t happen until the semi-finals! Yes really. Having done considerable research into the fixtures and taking account of all possible permutations, England cannot meet Germany unless both countries have reached the last four. Of course, by then we may have been eliminated but so too will Germany in all probability! So, I can safely predict that whatever happens, English National pride will be fully restored by early July. Our lads will return to cheering rather than leering crowds and be paraded triumphantly on an open-top bus along Lyme Regis esplanade\u2014no matter who actually ends up winning the wretched thing.<\/p>\n
Here are some World Cup dates and useful facts for your diary\u2014either for those looking forward to it or for those trying to avoid it.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t suppose any of you are actually going to Brazil to watch the matches in situ are you? If you are, then what\u2019s got into you? For a start you\u2019d have to be richer than Wayne Rooney to afford the air tickets (seriously) and when you do arrive, it\u2019s likely your hotel isn\u2019t built and the stadium hasn\u2019t been finished yet and it\u2019s squatting room only. Oh yes, and it\u2019s only a mere 40 degrees Celsius which is considerably hotter than Charmouth Beach on August bank holiday. HRA (Humphrey Regional Advisory) says \u201cStay at home and watch it on UK Telly.\u201d<\/p>\n
And if you are genuinely lucky enough to go there then\u2026 I hate you. (Yes I\u2019m insanely jealous so I\u2019m trying to put you off). Watch out for possible riots, earthquakes and pick pocket thievery. OK, I agree it\u2019s probably no worse than old portside Weymouth on a Saturday night, but if you get stuck, try to remember the following useful phrases. All Brazilian fans love it when you try to speak their language:<\/p>\n
\u201cTem ratos no quarto\u201d<\/em> \u201cOi! O arbitro anula um Gol!\u201d<\/em> \u201cBem jogado Yo-Vil\u201d<\/em> \u201cComo chego ao Exeter?\u201d<\/em> OK, so this article\u2019s mostly about World Cup football. I freely admit I\u2019m a fan but (even if you\u2019re not a fan) be brave and read on because this page contains useful information for everyone. It\u2019s also free of overly jingoistic phraseology and English national paranoia since we\u2019ve had quite enough of that during last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[46],"tags":[32],"class_list":["post-1636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-laterally-speaking","tag-humphrey-walwyn"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1636"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.marshwoodlife.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n(There are rats in my bedroom)<\/p>\n
\n(Hey Ref! The ball was over the line \u2013 that was a goal !!!!)<\/p>\n
\n(Yeovil Town are great!)<\/p>\n
\n(How do I fly home to Exeter?)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"